Well it’s late and I am tired but can’t sleep. Maybe if I write about stuff and get it off my chest it might help me out. So here goes I am warning you this will most likely make no sense as all I plan on doing is writing down everything that comes to my mind. Not caring about punctuation, grammar and spelling. Like I usually do anyway. Ah where to start… I can’t really decided whether I actually have any friends like there are people I hang around with but do they only hang around me because they feel sorry for me ? I only have contact outside of school with one person and I dunno I kinda get the impression that the others don’t like me. Then there is this one person thats suppose to be my bestfriend you know the kinda person that never replies to your text messages and only wants to talk to you when it’s on their terms and they feel like it ? well now she has a boyfriend I want to be happy for her but I just feel so left out like she could never make to time to do anything with me before though so why should I not be surprised ? and I suppose there is also this little bit of jealousy going on I feel horrible but I don’t know how to stop that. I suppose I just want someone that cares about me so bad. To make things worse I got rejected a couple of weeks ago by a guy I really like who is sweet and kind but of course lives ages away. I don’t think he could have been any nicer in saying he wasn’t interested and that just made me feel a whole lot more stupid for saying what I felt in the first place. So of course whilst I am trying to pretend like I don’t care guess who is boasting in front of me about their relationship ? Yeah and she even has the guts to say to me I thought some thing was on your mind after I apologised to her but of course she doesn’t ask what. Wow didn’t realise this would help so much. I figure the more I write the less people are going to want to read which is a good thing so I am going to keep droning on. I know I am not an attractive person I am aware of my constantly aware of my flaws but the other night I was talking to that guy that rejected me. Obviously he is to delusional to still want to talk to me but he insisted we stay friends and I am more than happy with that. Anyway we were talking and I don’t know I said something about someone and then said it didn’t matter because I can’t talk meaning I am no better then them and he replies to me you’re attractive and I don’t know it felt so good to have someone I like actually tell me that I am attractive. I know its just the word attractive it’s not like he said beautiful, pretty or even hot but some how it just made my night. Of course I don’t believe it but it’s just nice to have someone say that even if they are only trying to be nice. Hmm maybe I should try and do this every night I had a diary once but was to lazy with it maybe this is a better option. I am now to tired to continue and my mind is blank thank god so I am not even going to bother re reading this. Sorry in advance I know I suck at English which is a little sad seen as I do three. Wow at least my cat cares coming into my room to sleep with me well more likely sleep on a warm bed but anyway.